"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
I began to think about my life prior to leading a conscious life of trying to serve Him, before I even cared about what God might've thought about how I lived my life, just doing whatever I felt like doing. I was that person, "dead in trespasses and sins", "walking according to the course of this world, according to the prince of power of the air", conducting myself in the lusts of my flesh, fulfilling the desires of flesh and mind—I was one of those "children of wrath". St. Paul is talking about me here—he's exposed my life for the world to read!!! Make no mistake about it—I am still a sinner, and will be until I die of course. I will always fall short of the glory of God. But I can't believe how unaware I was of anything spiritual or God-minded as I led my life...at least now—and here, I owe my complete gratitude for the Church for Her nurturing care of me, being a place where I can pray, hear the Scriptures, receive the Sacraments, and sail in this Ark of Salvation amidst the jagged icebergs and reefs that the demons throw out at me—I am more aware of my actions, and because of the Church and what our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ has taught us by word and example, because of His Most Pure Mother and all the Saints, because of the teachings of the Holy Fathers, we can know what the Light is instead of living in darkness. So I am that Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), not just one time, but all times when I fall short of God's expectations. So as not to despair over our constant falling into sins (as long as we are truly repenting and struggling to make a metanoia), there are a few pearls of wisdom from the Holy Fathers.
"A monk was once asked, 'What do you do there in the monastery?' He replied, 'We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again.'" So it is with the layman, too.
Abba Poemen said that every day, he made a new beginning. Abba Moses asked Abba Silvanus, "Can a man lay a new foundation every day?" Abba Silvanus replied, "If he works hard, he can lay a new foundation at every moment."
A brother asked Abba Sisoes, "What shall I do, Abba, for I have fallen?" Abba Sisoes said to him, "Get up again". The brother said, "I have got up again, but I have fallen again." Abba Sisoes replied, "Get up again and again." So then the brother said, "How many times?" The old man said, "Until you are taken up either in virtue or in sin. For a man presents himself to judgment in the state in which he is found." This serves to remind us that our spiritual struggle is lifelong, and we need to wage war against evil forces every minute of the day for the rest of our lives.
A very wise priest said we walk along this life like we're at a carnival. We're walking along, eating our cotton candy or whatever snack, having a great time, thinking about nothing except having a great time, and then BAM!—we're taken from this life suddenly without warning; without preparation. How deceived we are by the passing pleasures of this world to never want to give a single thought to our own eternal life and salvation.
That God can and does accept people who have ignored Him their whole lives or even despised Him just astounds me. But then again, our Lord Himself told us that God is "kind to the unthankful and evil" (Luke 6:35), so it really shouldn't surprise me. We just need to try our best to do as Christ said, "Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful" (Luke 6:36) and "just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise" (Luke 6:31). Because God loves us unconditionally and accepts us no matter how many times we fall or turn away, He wants us to "Go and do likewise" (Luke 10:37).
