Standing at the beginning of Holy Week 2013, on the threshold of our Lord's crucifixion and His resurrection, the one thing that has resonated with me this long Lenten journey is: love.
There have been many demonstrations of love that I have paid close attention to over the last six weeks...some of it was unconditional, some of it was conditional; some of it was wonderful, and some if it was like bitter poison. I paid attention to examples I saw around me, then used it as a mirror to myself. What I found was although I have been working hard over the years on trying to love more unconditionally, I still do not love unconditionally.
I have read and heard 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 so much, but really taking the words to heart, I began to examine myself deeper, because I can feel the conflict of unconditional love versus conditional love in my heart.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.What I have come to realize is that for me, learning to love unconditionally means:
- Love means acceptance...it doesn't have to mean agreement, but it does mean that I must learn to love those as they are, not how I think they should be. This is difficult for me, having preconceived notions with the roles of certain people in my life--I tend to think in terms of, "This is how a parent should be", "This is how a spouse should be", "This is how a child should be", etc. It means loving those in spite of their shortcomings, not expecting them to change, and loving them despite their flaws (or, perhaps only what I consider "flaws").
- Love "does not behave rudely" and "bears all things". This means that there must be patience when I am treated unkindly. I try to remember the mantra "everybody is fighting some kind of battle" when I have to deal with unkindness, but it is admittedly incredibly difficult sometimes not to return meanness for meanness, especially to those that are close to me...in some ways, it's easier to take unkindness from a stranger than it is from a friend or relative. This doesn't mean I have to pretend that bad behavior doesn't exist, but that I choose to take the harder path of bearing it.
- Love means sacrifice. It doesn't have to always be "my way or the highway". There are times when I must put aside my desires and needs for the greater good of something larger than myself.
- It's hard not to think the worst in others when they persist in bad behavior, but I believe St. Paul is telling me to "think no evil" here, not only with regards to not judging what others' intentions are, but also that I perhaps don't need to be thinking cruel things back, and I don't need to be "rejoicing in iniquity".
- There is joy here too in this Scripture, amongst all the weary labor I see ahead of me in trying to change myself. St. Paul talks about the positive attributes of "believing all things" and "hoping all things". I have truly seen some stony hearts soften in my lifetime...things that I never would've fathomed the slightest possibility in changing...things that I can truly call miracles from the hand of God Himself. I can choose to believe in the good things and hope for the good things in spite of negativity around me.
I wish I could say I did some ascetical feats over this Lent, but I cannot. Perhaps there is something to be said for self-discovery; the acknowledgement that something needs to change, the willingness to try to change, as well as the willingness to begin the arduous work involved towards making that change?
I wish everyone peace this Holy Week, and a joyous feast of Pascha, the Resurrection of our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ for Sunday, May 5, 2013. My hope is for all to experience the unconditional love He has for us to resonate through all of us on this beautiful Feast, so we can learn to love each other in a truer way.
