How To Make Your Life Better

I have been having much contact with a person that believes that the world "owes" them something; that life hasn't been "fair" to them, and that they've "never" had ANYTHING good or positive in their lives.  They refuse to look at anything with gratitude, and hence, are chronically miserable.  I actually know more than one person in my life that is this way, and it's truly disheartening.  Two people in particular in my life with this attitude are at opposite ends of the age spectrum—one is "old enough to know better", while the other is at an age where "you hope they outgrow" this attitude.  Perhaps I can talk frankly to either (or both) of them at some point, but a person has to be willing to listen and willing to work on some things, and at this point in time, neither are.  So instead, I continue to try to work on myself, looking at where I need improvement, and figure I need to "keep my side of the street clean" so to speak; after all, I myself am not much of an example, so it stands to reason that I cannot teach others what I myself  have not mastered, but I figured I could write an open letter to these types of people in my life...a letter containing observations that I have made in my own life, and a letter containing things that I myself hope to eventually master.  And so, my humble contribution on:

How To Make Your Life Better

At what point are we responsible for our own happiness?  When do we begin to stop blaming others for our own unhappiness, and begin to realize that we are masters of our own destiny?  Is this the mark of true maturity—to take responsibility for ourselves?  I think so.

It’s a sad truth, but not everybody gets a trophy in real life, especially those that sit on the sidelines during the Game of Life, crying to the referee about how “unfair” the Game is, how much bigger the other players are, how much more skilled they are, or that the other players got advantages we weren’t given.  Are we the person crying on the bench about how “unfair” things are?  Or are we the person that sees there is work to be done in order to have a more competitive edge, and so we start practicing on our own time, lifting extra weights, doing extra drills, and learning different ways of doing things so we can play the Game better?  Are we looking DAILY for ways on how to improve ourselves?  Or are we pointing a finger at everyone else for our own stagnation and failures?

Regardless of social status, financial standing, race, gender, or age, there isn’t a human being since the moment of their conception that hasn’t suffered from injustice of some sort.  Nobody has escaped pain, suffering, sadness, loss, loneliness…these are all shared human burdens.  There are people in this world, suffering right now, suffering at least as much as we are with something (many suffering greater than us), so know this—suffering doesn’t make us “special” or “different” or “unique”, because it's something unfortunate that all human beings share in common.  Many times, we think we are the only ones suffering, but the truth is, EVERYBODY suffers…we can’t escape it.  We don’t need to go far to see people suffering—many times, they are right in front of us; the ones closest to us.  Many times, they are the quieter ones that don't walk around with a downcast face or verbalizing their struggles.

One of the greatest attributes we can have is gratitude.  It amazes me that some of the most grateful people out there are the ones that have the least.  I firmly believe that until you are truly grateful in your life, it is impossible to ever be truly happy.  Ungrateful people chronically complain about everything in their lives, and are never satisfied.  They go around spreading negativity, bitterness, and resentment, sniping at things, hurling sarcasm, all trying to “right” the “wrongs” in their lives, thinking they are justified to make the world around them miserable because they are miserable.  Ungrateful people are never responsible for their own misery, and they never accept that they themselves are responsible for changing their lives.

On a more practical level, why would you entrust something as important as your own happiness to anyone but yourself???

I believe that our purpose here on earth is to make the world a better place.  That means to create beautiful things, be consciously happy and positive in our lives (even when we don’t feel like it), give kindness and compassion to those around us, try to assuage suffering when and where we can, and one of the biggest things we can do for others, is to TRULY LISTEN to them—be in the moment with them, not looking towards other things we have going on, not looking down at our phones and listening with half an ear, but really LISTEN to them.  Give someone your full attention...for just a few minutes, care about what they care about...see things from their perspective.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t painful things that happen to us—there are.  Feel your feelings.  Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, hurt, cheated, lonely, resentful, to grieve, etc.  Give yourself permission to feel these feelings, but vow to move forward, and vow to not dwell there.  Vow to not "get even".  Vow to not remain bitter and resentful, and vow to not to hurt people.

Benjamin Franklin believed that it takes 30 days to develop a habit, and I agree.  Are we willing to try something for 30 days to better the world we live in…to better ourselves?  Are we willing to take a small bit out of an entire year to work on improving ourselves?  For thirty days, can we work on having a positive outlook, spreading positivity, responding with patience and love and kindness, even to those we feel “don’t deserve it”?  Are we willing to try to see ourselves in the scope of being a very small part of an entire planet full of suffering people?  Are we willing to look at ourselves, and see that if “we’re not part of the solution, we’re part of the problem” (to coin an old phrase) with regard to allowing gratitude, positivity, kindness, and compassion to exude from us?  Can we try to not judge others so harshly, if for no reason than whatever we judge others about, we wind up experiencing at one point or another ourselves?

Maybe taking a thirty day challenge of improving our outlook means not watching or listening to negative news reports...maybe it means unplugging from social media.  It also means that for every person we encounter for the next thirty days, we view them as serving a purpose in our journey, and not as an impediment to our progress.

We always think we are too small to make a difference, not smart enough, not rich enough, not good looking enough, not talented enough, not whatever enough, but the truth is, even a smile to the outside world is a great thing.  Kindness and a positive attitude—especially when we least feel like doing it—is a soothing balm for a hurting world.  I can think of no greater example of how one small person literally made lemonade from lemons, than the little girl, Alex Scott, who while suffering with her own cancer, vowed to raise money to help other kids with cancer by running her own lemonade stand.  Are we willing to follow this example of giving to others the very things that we felt we were "shortchanged" on (love, attention, kindness, a helping hand, etc.)?

Let’s do something remarkable for thirty days.  Let’s stop being prisoners of our own excuses.  Even where there are legitimate roadblocks in our lives or people that “shortchanged” us in some way, let’s acknowledge it, but move forward and try to release our bitterness and resentment, perhaps channeling our feelings into something lovely and productive if we’re able to.  Let’s try to spend thirty days looking outside of ourselves a little more, and find ways to make the world around us beautiful by spreading positivity and beauty, eradicating negativity.  Let’s try to show up for the Game of Life fully dressed in our game day clothes, ready to play, accepting responsibility when we have days when we lose the Game, but vowing that the next day, we'll play harder and stronger.  After all, we are all put on this earth to make the world a better place.